just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
