i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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