I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
