i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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