I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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