Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
