Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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