if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
