At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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