Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
