Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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