my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
soo... how was my night?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
