No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I need water and some morals
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
