But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
