i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
