Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
