she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
