I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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