So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
