Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize