I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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