He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
