its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
