i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
