I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'm passing your future prison.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
