Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
