So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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