well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
