There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
