somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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