I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
