two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
