just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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