Already got asked if we're dating
I think I won the penis lottery.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
