You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Randomize
