I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
