Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
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