You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize