I think i sorta joined a cult last night
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
