haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
my poor anus
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
