You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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