You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize