I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
