Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
