I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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