The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
