Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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