i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
