You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
