how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
