You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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