I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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