I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
