I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
How naked do you want me to be?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
