saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
