I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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