Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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