he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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