No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
