You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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