I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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