Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
