And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
