Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
