the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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