Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Randomize
