Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
